Palm Springs, The Hilton, ESRI Developer Conference, and more...

 
The desert Hatter, close to where I stepped in a giant pile of dog shit on the sidewalk.  Awesome.

So, I'm on a business trip to Palm Springs right now, for the ESRI Developer conference.  I think most people would really enjoy a chance to get out of ol' West Virginia and kick back in the sun, but, for me, not so much.

I appreciate the opportunity to learn things that may be useful for my work, but, at the same time, I really want to be home right now.  I find this place to be incredibly boring.  Everything closes at 9 or 10 PM, the Hilton sucks as far as hotels go (no complimentary anything, lame room service, water conservation, price, early departure penalties, no room service after 9 PM... etc etc).  

The town of Palm Springs is nicely constructed, and relatively amazing for what it is... a town in the desert that has become something of a tourist trap.  I see absolutely no vacation appeal here.  There's no beach, no amusement park, nowhere good to shop, nothing...  except for some pretty good food.

I'll break down Palm Springs as follows: 

Stores:
Tons of little tourist traps in which to sink cash on knick knacks you'll never use or look at... a neat place called  "The Alley" that has nothing you can't find in your hometown for much cheaper.  Crystal & Faeries stores, specialty "Latino" book stores, and a gay clothing shop (because they don't fit into normal clothes).  The best store we found was called "Cold Noses Warm Hearts" which was a really nice little pet store.  The prices were a bit too high for me to bite, but the store is well done, with a courtesy water bowl outside for passing canines - bravo for this.

Food:
It's a tourist location, so, the food is good.  Kiyosaku's sushi is really, really good...  definitely give it a shot if you come here and like Sushi at all.  It's very traditional (there are no forks to be had).  Kaiser is a really, really nice restaraunt, and the Kaiser signature burger is awesome.  A venue I've visited twice since I've arrived is a little Thai place called "Thai Cuisine" I believe... Apparently Harrison Ford once ate in this tiny little place, so, yeah, it's pretty solid.  Get whatever food you are going to eat before 9 PM.. if you delay, you're straight up fucked.

People:
The natives of the area are all friendly (like most tourist-y places).  The other people visiting are all pretty old.  This must be the Florida of California.  Nothing wrong with that, but, I think the average age of the people who visit has impacted the "mode" of the town.  Since grandma and grandpa have to go to sleep early to avoid the reaper, everything shuts down.

The Hilton:
Sucks.  Why stay at a more expensive hotel, and then pay more for the exact same crap you get at other places?  Paris Hilton is rich because of establishments like this?  Bitch should be folding blankets.  I've stayed in Best Western's that put this place to shame in terms of amenities, staff, location, and service.  Not even a continental breakfast.

Palm Springs probably really is a fun place to come and relax if you live near it, but, I feel sorry for anyone who has traveled a great distance to vacation here, as, that money could have been much better spent on a cruise or going to the beach.  Maybe you can make something of it if you're really good at enjoying yourself in the middle of the desert, by taking advantage of the jeep tours, and taking a hefty interest in geological formations, but, for me, I'll stick to beaches, roller coasters, cruises, zoos, and aquariums.  Hell, even a museum or DC trip wins.

The ESRI Developer conference is pretty interesting.  It's a good place to watch people demo and teach a little about technologies that you probably haven't had time to delve fully into, showing the abilities of each in a good format that will encourage you to give them a shot in your workplace.  I've learned a lot about Flex and Silverlight already, but I already knew the vast majority of other stuff.  The most entertaining thing is looking around and spotting out the "managerial" types who have booked themselves to the dev conference as a vacation rather than really trying to legitimately learn anything.  Also, the number of people in polos and khakis is mind-blowing.

Also, once you sleep on memory foam at home for a couple years, a hotel mattress pretty much sucks.

The most excruciating thing about this trip is being away from my awesome girlfriend, my awesome cats, and my dog.  

The Last House on the Left

*spoiler warning*

The 2009 remake of the 1972 original The Last House on the Left is definitely not for everyone, but it is relatively accurate to the original material.  The new movie replaces a good measure of the original's gritty, heavy material with some much-needed big-screen modern glitz, camerawork, and special effects, but ultimately, they are roughly the same.  The '72 version is perhaps a little more impactful in its unblinking observation of the terrible things that happen to Mari and her friend, but the aged quality of the film and cultural differences between 2009 and 1972 are very hard to see past if you aren't used to movies from that time period.

Generally, horror movies receive lower IMDB and other rating site scores than other genres, by a full point on average.  Because of this, finding the good horror movies is a difficult challenge.  While there are some innate problems with this movie in terms of composition and flow, I must highly recommend that it be viewed.  This is, however, still shock horror, so it is not to be watched by anyone who doesn't want to see depictions of incredible cruelty.  

So let's talk rape.  Central to this movie and the original is a very brutal rape/murder, or murder one girl then rape another, scene.  Honestly, I didn't expect it to make it into the movie intact, from the original.  And, well, it *almost* made it intact.  This is probably the most brutal rape scene in a widely released American movie that I have seen in the past 15 years.  The original movie's scene was perhaps a little worse in terms of sheer carnality, but the filming was not as well done, so I place these two scenes as relatively equal.  Most moviegoers won't be ready for the new scene, and if all of the little gut-wrenching details from the first movie were captured, I'm not sure this movie would have made wide release in the current atmosphere.  The '72 version and I Spit On Your Grave both did a fantastic job of portraying a terrible, terrible event, and using it to great effect.  The 2009 The Last House on the Left does so as well, and if it's toned down, it's by no more than 15%, which is made up for and easily forgiven by the quality of the production.

The plot, for those unaware, is as follows, from IMDB:
"After kidnapping and brutally assaulting two young women, a gang led by a prison escapee (Dillahunt) unknowingly finds refuge at a vacation home belonging the parents of one of the victims -- a mother (Potter) and father (Goldwyn) who devise an increasingly gruesome series of revenge tactics."

Eh, relatively accurate, IMDB.

As far as performances go, I was impressed!  Each character is well done, and painted as a unique individual with likeable nuances and quirks.  The badguys range from pathetic (well done!) to wicked (well done!).  Mari and her friend seem believable enough as teenagers trying to enjoy life in a small and boring town.  Everyone did a great job, and I think the director was able to masterfully focus on his best performers and use judicious camerawork to denigrate the effect of some of the unpolished acting that could have otherwise marred this movie.

Overall, I'd rate this movie 8 out of 10.  For a horror movie with nobody I've ever really seen in anything else, it's pretty damn good, and stacks up to the original fairly well.  Is the original better?  No, but only because it's so dated/low production quality.  A line by line remake of the original, updated for 2009, with the same actors probably would have had an edge, but this was still really good.

MPAA rating: R (for sadistic brutal violence including a rape and disturbing images, language, nudity and some drug use).
Running time: 1:40.
Opening: March 13.
Starring: Sara Paxton (Mari); Martha MacIsaac (Paige); Garret Dillahunt (Krug); Tony Goldwyn (John); Monica Potter (Emma).
Directed by: Dennis Iliadis; written by Adam Alleca and Carl Ellsworth, based on Wes Craven's 1972 film; produced by Wes Craven, Sean Cunningham and Marianne Maddalena. A Rogue Pictures release.

I've waited for this game to come out for, ohhh, well, since I imagined they would create it as a natural extension and continuation in the Total War series, so, back when ROME: Total War came out.  The Total War series is amongst my favorite titles, and I own all of them, and most expansions, from Shogun up to Medieval II.

So, I was incredibly delighted to be informed by Steam that a demo for Empire was ready to be played.  I dropped everything I was doing and started the install process.

My Review: 

Immediately, people with a similar configuration to me will notice a very long (3+ minute wait) during the initial loading screen.  Why we are forced to wait for so long reading the "bink video" and "Total War" logo is a complete mystery, but, some of us do have this wait.  Directly afterwards, the menu system seemed familiar, but, WOW, this demo is limited!  You get two "tutorials", which are about 95% useless if you're a Total War veteran, and 2 "Single Player Battles".  The campaign mode is absolutely not represented in the demo whatsoever.

Anyway, a few really, really long loading screens later the tutorial is loaded. (What is it doing, Creative Assembly?  Seriously?  We change our video and control options, and then we have to watch a "loading" bar again... why?  That should have been changing like 10 lines in an INI file somewhere.  Stop taking the interface away from the player.)

Ultimately, if you've played Medieval 2 and made use of the bombards and gunpowder weapons in that game, the land-based tutorial and battle example aren't going to offer anything new aside from taking cover behind obstacles and in buildings (which, you don't get to take advantage of as much as the CPU).  The graphics are impressive, with very nice attention to detail on everyone, but the performance is a considerable bit behind Medieval II (probably about 40% slower before lowering settings), while there's not really much improvement in quality(Maybe a 10-20% improvement in graphical quality).

The default control scheme is different from Medieval, using the WASD as default camera movement, Q and E to rotate camera, and so on.  This can easily be remedied in the options, and most veterans of the series will probably revert to old input methods.  The new in battle interface is superior to the prior versions in some ways but also lacking.  The unit cards seem weakened, and gathering information about the status of your soldiers is not as evident as it was before, but it does have a much cleaner and more professional look.  Function ultimately wins over form, but the improvements to form *almost* make up for the loss of function.  Maybe it's just a learning and adjustment issue, time will tell.

The Naval Battles are pretty awesome.  Great graphics, and each ship in your fleet feels like its own entity capable of turning the tide of battle if used correctly.  This portion did not run so well on the test computer, but victory was still relatively easily had.  

Honestly, it may have been a bad move for Creative Assembly/Sega/et al to release this demo, because according to google, several people are already having performance problems with it.  With no Campaign teaser to whet the appetite for carving a new world, all we're left with is an impressive demonstration of the naval battle engine, and a lot more of the "same old, same old" overland battle from the rest of the series.  It probably should have highlighted more of the differences in ground battles in the new game in addition to the ocean tutorial and sample battle.  Furthermore, the campaign mode is what many players play the game for, so it wouldn't have been too much to ask for a small sample campaign to toy with.

Without multiplayer, also, the Demo took this game from my "must buy" list to my "maybe I should read up on the forums for a couple months before I purchase this one" column.  I am still excited to play the full game, and I'm sure it's packed full of awesome surprises (they've been working on it long enough!), but with the way it performed and no insight as to what campaigns will really feel like to play aside from a few review site vids, I think i'll take my time getting this one.

But, anyway, it's a free demo, so give it a shot!

Magic:

The first time I played Magic was during 5th edition.  A friend of mine introduced me to it by showing me some cards, and I observed a couple of games.  I took my money from my high school computer lab job and went about buying several packages of cards, and amongst my circle of friends, learning the rules.

This process should not be skipped by any Magic player, as it is educational, fun, addictive, and a very good reason to get together with friends.  Yes, there is ridicule from the dullards of society, but, what won't they ridicule?  Anything that requires intellect is under fire from the mentally inept around you, chess club, books, role playing games, video games, anime, all of it... It is a sad state when the collection of morons is so great that one must be bold to undertake an innocent and fun hobby, but, it is nonetheless the state we are in.  Regardless, if you have not tried it, GET SOME CARDS AND PLAY.

The game can be enjoyed on many levels.  As a collector, you'll find yourself trying to locate rares and interesting or thematic cards.  As a casual player you'll find yourself building decks that employ esoteric strategies to defeat your opponents and have fun while doing it.  As a competitive player you'll be throwing cards out of your deck and refining it with cutt-throat precision at each loss, and seeking new opponents regularly.  

The Problem:

Sadly, for all the fun of it, many players will arrive where I have with the game: Continuously frustrated.  I am part casual and part competitive player.  I enjoy having fun with the cards, but I like to win at least a solid percentage of the time.  Due to the nature of the game, being a collectibles game, occasionally a friend will "outbuy" you.  Rare cards are generally more powerful, and, more expensive, such that a well-made deck of rares beats a well-made deck of uncommons or commons.  This can lead to a bit of an escalation effect, where you will find yourself blowing large amounts of cash at a local hobby store and leaving with only a handful of cards.  Then, of course, your friends can always play against those cards by spending more money (or finding a devilishly cheap strategy that undermines you specifically).  This makes Magic amongst friends a very frustrating event, sometimes.  

A typical Magic Game in progress:

One of the biggest problems for casual players of the game is "Net Decking".  This is when your opponents use the internet to research strategies, read deck lists of tournament winning decks, and otherwise use knowledge of the game not of their own design in order to gain an edge against the people they play with.  This, being done by a player with ample spare cash to blow, will leave a very bad taste in your mouth if you play them frequently, as there is no answer within the game that can be made up by practice or logical deck construction.  It comes down to money and research time  on the internet, rather than strategy and creativity.

Your friends who play this way are not to blame alone.  Wizards of the Coast designs the game such that not all cards are created equal in order to drive revenues as people buy up boxes of "booster packs" looking for a lucky find of a good rare (or now "Mythic Rare") card.  This means that many of the cards that you get will be decidedly "Sub-Optimal"... or, easily replaced in your deck by a different card.  If you read the tournament deck lists, you'll find a solid collection of about 24 cards that appear in just about every top 5 decklist.  It forms sort of a pyramid of strategies that are available, where there are hundreds of deck types and strats at the bottom tier 30 or so deck types that are really solid, and then maybe 10 "tournament win capable" decks in any block.

Furthermore, the "Tournament Legal" card list is generally comprised of the latest editions and all "blocks" since.  This allows Wizards to conveniently phase out entire blocks of cards and force interested players to buy new sets each year, and the real catch is, the newer the set, generally, the more powerful the cards or the better the "answers" to strategies defined in prior "blocks".  They establish an arms race and provide the weaponry.  Smart business tactic, but, it leads to a very sour game, since it's almost a game of "who is willing to spend $100 on a single deck build?"  AKA, "Franklin decking".  

"I can't seem to locate my bitterblossom, guys, I think I lost it under my giant pile of money."

Now, several aspects of the strategies that need nerfed really hard to help fix the game could be delved into, but, I'll save that for another article.  There is a solution to this right now, though.

OCTGN:

For a long time, some developers have been creating a tabletop card game interface for use over the internet.  One of the games that can be played in said interface, amongst people who have themselves downloaded "card sets"... is Magic the Gathering.  Downloading card sets may or may not be illegal, I really don't know, nor care, honestly, but it certainly can enable the game to be played without the "money scheme" that's been built into it by Wizards.

Enter OCTGN.  Armed with this free client, you can play full games of MTG with all the newest sets, up to CONFLUX as of this writing.  It is a perfect tool for testing deck builds without spending hundreds of dollars.  The deck builder alone is a nearly invaluable tool, as it functions so quickly and smoothly, without waiting for card images to download or pages to refresh, that I can't think of a single tool that matches it for this purpose.  There once was an old program called Apprentice32 that was very much like OCTGN, but I don't know where that development path went to... if you know, please comment :).

Here's what OCTGN 2.0 looks like:

Every once in a while, you try something new from the grocery store, and are surprised at how good it is for the price.  In a completely backwards age where people think that the "Dollar Menu" at a fast food restaurant is a good deal, an actually solid bargain is difficult to find.  Now, proponents of the big food industry would disagree and attempt to choke out anyone who mentioned "ramen noodles" by immediately spouting off how much sodium they contain and how quickly they will kill you, which has merit, but, let's be honest... a box of sugar coated cereal in milk is probably amongst the top reasons that America is obese anyway.

So, while we spiral into fatness and unhealthiness, why should we also drive down poverty lane?  Why not simultaneously get fat, reduce our lifespan, and save money, instead of just getting fat and reducing our lifespan?

Enter Ramen Noodles 2.0:

(Sorry for the small image, photography wasn't going to happen tonight for the sake of a noodle article).

This is the Nissin Foods "Chow Pasta" offering known as Tomato Basil.  With a retail cost of about $1 (One US Dollar), it comes in quite heftily above the price of ramen noodles... but, it's really good and there are actually a couple of qualitative differences.  In the United States, we tend to believe that an increased price is indicative of improved quality, even when there's literally no difference, sometimes.  This is not the case with this product.  

The taste is very strong and much better than your average pack of ramen noodles, and, the amount of food seems to be maybe just a bit more than regular ramen packets, though I'd have to examine the net weight to be sure.  If you haven't had the other "Chow" bowls, they generally have a couple packets that you mix in, instead of the usual one powder packet.  They take 6 minutes in the microwave, and are dead simple to make.  These noodles are filling and delicious, and this very different take on ramen should be very welcome to the kitchen of anyone who subsists on foods like this frequently.

The Chow Mein series of noodles by Nissin are tried and true.  All varieties of the "Chow Mein" series include: Orange Chicken, Kung Pao Chicken, Spicy Chicken, Teriyaki Beef, Chicken, Thai Peanut, Chinese Chicken Vegetable, and Shrimp. 

Of the available "Chow Mein" Noodles, I can recommend Chinese Chicken Vegetable, Chicken, and maybe Spicy Chicken, but the last isn't so great.  They're a buck, so, give them all a try if you get a chance, I've only tried those three. 

So, eat the Tomato Basil and Chow Meins, save some money, and consider how actually tiny those $1 menu offerings at a fast food restaurant are.  

As far as health is concerned, Nissin's ramen generally comes in at a little less sodium count than the other varieties available, but, don't expect to grow skinny eating stuff like this on a daily basis.  These are cheap, quick, and delicious meals, designed to save time and money.  Buy one of these for every 4 or 5 ramen packs, and you'll be addicted to the variety in no time. 

I also havent tried the Alfredo variety, but they are pretty good, too.